In The Bathroom

by Sheryl Kurland

In every close friendship and loving relationship, there is risk of lack of communication.  And when communication foibles occur, we tend to think she/he said ‘xyz' and that hurt my feelings.  However, many miscommunications occur over what wasn't said because we fill-in-the-blanks with assumptions.  These assumptions are often the catalyst for trouble - arguments, disagreements, and misconceptions that can send negative currents through the respective relationship.

I first met my husband-to-be at a party given by mutual friends.  After we talked for a few minutes, he said Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.  And he left.  I assumed he was rejecting me.  I had experienced many snubs in my dating years, but this was the lowest.  It crossed my mind to leave the party, but (luckily) I decided to go mingle with others.  About 10 minutes later, he found me and said, Where did you go?  I've been looking for you.  The man really did have to use the bathroom!  And the rest is history.

I spoke with my mom via phone one recent morning - we have a terrific mom-daughter-friend relationship.  My dad passed away a number of years ago, and mom recently met a fine gentleman whom she is dating.  I'm delighted for her, and he's a great guy.  Because mom's social life has picked up a lot of steam, she and I don't see or talk to each other as much as we use to.  When I called her on this particular morning, she was short with me and her tone seemed very hurried.  I assumed it was because she was in a rush to get dressed to go out with her boyfriend, and it hurt my feelings that she couldn't spare a few minutes to chat with me.  As mom quickly ended the conversation, I snuck in You seem like you're in a hurry.  Are you going out with Richard?  Her answer: No, I have to go to the bathroom!

The moral is, when you're upset with someone who's close to you, consider whether you're jumping to conclusions too quickly.  Perhaps some pieces of information are missing or the interpretation, the spin you're putting on the situation, may be lopsided.  Subsequently, your anger, hurt, unhappiness, disappointment, or dissatisfaction may be unjustified.  Perhaps, as in my examples, the other person at fault is simply in the bathroom!

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Sheryl Kurland is author of the elegant coffee-table book Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More.  Perfect for an engagement, wedding or anniversary gift, Everlasting Matrimony can be purchased at www.everlastingmatrimony.com.